Whenever April rolls around, I find myself wanting for things that I actually want. Normally, this would be an unusual blessing, since I have far too many material needs already, but this time of year is birthday time of year, the “what do you want?” time of year, the grandparents-begging-for-a-list time of year. So with my April 13th birthday quickly approaching and my grandparents and all of you still wondering what to get me, here’s my dream birthday list:
1. Harvey Weinstein’s persuasive techniques
2. Harvey Weinstein’s kingdom
3. Whatever Harvey Weinstein’s been eating
4. Uggie the Dog
5. Meryl’s classiness (and Oscar noms)
6. An elevator ride with Ryan Gosling
7. Stock in Fandango
8. The American release of the Nazi space sci-fi spoof Iron Sky
9. For double features to become a thing
10. The rights to a young adult franchise
11. A mockingjay (to be used as a more efficient carrier pigeon)
12. For Hollywood to stop being so nostalgic
13. For the horror novel Bedbugs not to become a movie, so I don’t have to see it and become paranoid
14. For the price I pay for a movie to actually be the average price of $7.83 (Where are all these places that cost that and even less than that?)
15. A pet ape, because I hear that ends up well
16. Stock in The Dark Knight Rises
17. To be friends with Emma Stone
18. For the Kodak Theatre to be renamed something more exciting than the Dolby Theatre
19. To direct the next two Hunger Games movies
20. For buildings to start having 13th floors, because the lack of them is just ridiculous! It is a great number.
That’s all for today in the monkey business. Don’t run into any trouble on Friday the 13th, and mail your gifts today so they get to me on time! Enjoy this weekend’s new releases!
Jennifer Sperber currently studies Dramatic Writing at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. When she’s not writing film or television, or writing about it, she is usually watching it.
